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The loss of my twin boy

The loss of my twin boy at 23 weeks pregnant was so difficult at many stages, from the moment we had an operation to try and save him and his brother, to continuing throughout the pregnancy, the birth and constant milestones that his surviving brother reaches. I realised I hadn’t properly grieved for him until a trigger occurred two years after his passing.


Bluebell has helped me open up about the loss, talk openly about the mental challenges, how to cope with these and to help me and my family honour our lost twin especially to his brother. The support was so valuable, I can’t thank you enough.

I would recommend Bluebell to anyone going through difficult times due to bereavement

I would like to thank Bluebell for their wonderful support over the past few months.

My daughter and I have both been through some very stressful and upsetting times and Bluebell helped me by being a wonderful source of support and a listening ear, to help me through tough times and therefore be able to support my daughter.

Just having someone on the end of the phone can make a massive difference to feeling you are not alone and do not have to go through difficult times on your own.

My counsellor was like a friend and very supportive and understanding. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. It makes such a huge difference and helps you to put things into perspective.

A Dad’s Story

The Bluebell foundation was mentioned to our family for the children when their mother passed away in 2017, at a very hard time this was greatly appreciated by all of us.

My youngest son recently asked for help over the loss of his mam after almost 3 years, I remembered the offer of the Bluebell foundation and got in touch to ask if they could help our family with this, best thing I ever did.

Once I’d got in contact with them, they immediately replied and on that night came to see my son and myself. Joy explained what the foundation was about and how they operated and how they as an organisation would be there for my son and listen and help with projects any way they could at his pace, this was a massive comfort knowing that the help was there and we were not alone. To listen as a father was comforting to me and I also learned how to deal with a child’s grief and the time it can take to come through due to their years at school and being young.

The foundation has been fantastic for our family, I think it’s a vital foundation that is doing fantastic work not only for children, also for parents to listen to how their children feel, listening to my son talking was an eye opener but also very humbling to hear his years of these concerns all to himself. Thank you for unlocking his fears and making him understand he’s not alone, your help is and always will be appreciated. I hope the foundation can continue to help the children of bereaved families throughout South Cumbria as I find this a very important  part of helping the young understand their loss and how time and talking can help them.

Thank you.

I was bereaved through miscarriage

When I had a miscarriage at 9 wks I felt as though I shouldn’t grieve as I hadn’t been far on in my pregnancy. I was distraught and Joy helped me give myself permission to get upset and accept my feelings as valid. When it happened a second time I felt as if I would never have my longed for child and that I was to blame. Again I was supported and encouraged to grieve properly and allow myself to heal. The service was invaluable to me and I want other people to be able to benefit as I did.

When our teenage son died

When our world fell apart with the death of our 16 year old son, the Bereavement Service was like a lifeline. It helped us to come to terms with our loss due to the Professional Counsellor we had and to learn to carry on with life and cope with our grief. I only have respect and praise for such people and I hope we can help continue counselling for the unfortunate parents and families that may need such help in the future.

My world fell apart through cot death

Almost ten years ago my life was irrevocably altered by the sudden death of my son through cot death. I had uprooted my home and given up my career in order to give my first child the very best upbringing I could. To lose him was utterly devastating to me and my family and I cannot describe how much his death rocked the very foundations of my entire life and beliefs.

During the first few weeks following his death, I thought I would eventually come to terms with my loss. However as time went on, I realised that I did not feel comfortable talking about him, about his death and able to grieve for him, as I felt I was upsetting my family and friends each time I did so. I started to have panic attacks, felt uneasy about leaving the house, and was generally feeling unable to cope. Around the same time, there was a lot of adverse media speculation about cot death, and I felt continually judged by strangers.

I approached my GP, who contacted the hospital support service for bereaved parents for me. The counsellor then called round to see me at my home, on a weekly basis, for almost a year. The service she offered helped me through an awful time in my life. I felt able to talk, cry, and laugh without being judged for doing so. The support she provided helped me to understand that what I was feeling was entirely normal, and that it was okay. In a sense, she allowed me to grieve, and in time I have learned to move on.

If a bereavement counselling service had not been available to me at that time, I have no doubt that my mental health would have severely suffered along with the relationships I have with my family and friends. As I have a personal history of depression, and a family history of suicide, there is also the potential there for a much worse outcome. I managed to avoid medication, and learned some coping strategies from my counsellor to help me to reach a new normality.

I made contact again with the counsellor during the diagnosis of a severe and fatal condition of an unborn child. She helped me through the whole situation, listened to me whilst I vented my anger and frustration at my situation, and came to visit me in hospital when I had my pregnancy terminated. I had no hesitation in calling her, as I knew that she would listen to me without judging me, and that given my history, would understand my feelings and help me to rationalise them.